Why I Stopped Breastfeeding My Son After Five Months
I wanted to share my personal breastfeeding experience. Mostly so that you know you are not alone in this. Breastfeeding is one of the most natural things in the world. It's what our bodies are designed to do. But for me, breastfeeding my son didn't come naturally at all. In fact, it was really tough. I never thought I would make it to five months, but I did. And then I stopped. Here's why…
I had my firstborn nine years ago. A beautiful little boy, Sunny.
When my husband and I first started dating he told me he already had a boy's name picked out and when he told me the name Sunny, I instantly didn’t like it. But over the years I dreamt of being pregnant with a little boy named Sunny and well, it stuck. I love the name now of course.
After a long labour, I had an Emergency Cesarean Section. My midwives were my friends so they knew I wanted skin-to-skin and placed him straight into my arms. I was in shock from the medication and remember shaking uncontrollably. The anaesthetist asked if the midwife should take my baby and I screamed “No!” A little louder than I should have. Even during my state of complete shock, nothing was getting in the way of my baby experiencing the benefits of skin-to-skin. The midwife’s curse of knowing too much!
So I'll be honest, when it came to breastfeeding, I thought that due to being a midwife, I had it all figured out. HA!
I never felt Sunny ‘suck’ at my breast. I couldn't see the tug of my breast in his mouth. I was suspicious but I never got any nipple damage or pain so I assumed that he was latched properly. But he would fall off constantly. I introduced a nipple shield to keep him on the breast. This lead to long, long, long feeds. Hours and hours worth. He lost weight. I saw a lactation consultant and during the visit, he fed perfectly. Of course. (My clients tell me this always happens during my consults too). He then gained weight steadily and so I got rid of my fear about a low supply however I was slowly drowning. I sat in my house with limited natural light in Sydney, while my mum and sister enjoyed coffee dates up here on the beach. I remember feeling darkness. Would this last forever? My entire day involved sitting on the lounge with him attached to my breast. I am talking up to 14 breastfeeds in a 24-hour period. I had to get to six months. I knew the benefits and I knew he was gaining weight, so I just had to get to six months. I got to 5 months. I cried and cried and decided it was time to switch to formula. I still remember our last breastfeed. I lay in bed with him feeding whilst he fussed at the breast and tears fell from my face. I believed it was my fault that I had a low supply. My birth plan failed me so now my breastfeeding plan was failing me. I had a lot of guilt.
Fast forward to when Sunny was three. I started studying to become a Lactation Consultant and noticed that all of his baby teeth were crowded and that all the other kids had gaps between their baby teeth. I thought ‘hmm, Im going to do an oral assessment and see what I find’.
I found that he had a Bifid Uvula. A what?! Well, you know the dangly thing that hangs in your throat between your tonsils? He has two. It exists in 2% of the population. No one had ever provided an oral assessment on Sunny. So at three years of age, I did. I also felt that he had a Submucous Cleft Palate, which means that the roof of his mouth had not formed properly in utero. I could never feel him sucking because he struggled to create efficient suction, leading to long feeds and a low milk supply. It was such a relief to finally have an answer after years of guilt and self-doubt.
It is so important for Health Care Providers to provide a comprehensive oral assessment for your baby, but so often this is not done. I repeatedly see cases where an issue was visually identified but a full functional assessment of how it is affecting your baby’s ability to breastfeed was not done, and therefore no resolution.
Sarah x
